There’s a section in my book called, “Which Weigh to the Scale?”, in which I share my own struggles with the decision of whether or not to weigh myself. Shortly after the book was published, I received some constructive criticism from a reader I’ve never met; she objected to me including my weight in the book, arguing that by doing so others are tempted to compare their own weight to mine. At the time, I was thrilled to be having a total stranger read my book and I was (and still am) grateful for any feedback about it. I did feel a twinge of disappointment in myself for having “upset” a reader. However, now that I am increasingly emotionally healthy and free from B.E.D. many more days than not, I think I would respond by saying, “It was never my intention to tempt others to compare their own weight to mine. I was simply trying to prove (to myself more than anyone else) that this syndrome is not about weight. At that point in my life, when I was in the throes of the binge cycle, I would have felt lousy about myself no matter what the scale said.” I guess I didn’t convey that very well in my book. C’est la vie! I’m a work in progress. 🙂
Tonight, though, as I changed into my gym clothes prior to my workout, I heard a familiar inner voice urge me to get on the scale “just to check”. I was feeling emotionally strong, so I challenged the voice and said, “What do I need to check?” The voice said, “Your weight! What if you gained weight since you last looked?” I said, “So what if I did? Whatever weight I am now, as long as I know I’m taking care of my mind, body, and spirit, is the right weight for me. I don’t need to know my ‘number’.” Again, I managed to stun my inner critic into silence. I love when that happens.
I know that some out there will read this blog post and think, “But I’m not the right weight for me and I know it.” Or, “My doctor’s told me I’m not the right weight for me.” To such friends I would say, “But if you’re reading this blog, you’re probably at least starting to think about making changes in your life that will allow you to be more nurturing towards your mind, body, and spirit.” I truly believe that if you have begun to tune into that still small voice inside (the caring, gentle one–your “wise mind”) instead of the mean, loud inner critics, you have already begun your journey towards the right weight for you. It will come and you will know it. And there will be a day, like today was for me, when you no longer feel afraid of or obsessed with the number on the scale. Until then, keep talking back to those inner critics!
Peace, joy, and health!