Cake

I don’t know what it is about cake, but I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s funny (in a God is laughing with me kind of way) that in my book I wrote a section about all the slices of cake I ate during high school graduation parties and now, 15 years later and one day after eating cake at my graduate school graduation party, I am writing about cake again.

There’s just something about cake that I have always loved…certain kinds of cake, that is. I can pass up angel food cake, chocolate cake, flourless cake, bundt cake and others, but present me with a vanilla cake with beautifully decorated vanilla buttercream frosting and my eyes pop outta my head. Such were the cakes available at my and my friends’ high school graduation parties and such was the cake at my party yesterday. In fact, I asked for that kind of cake. I always go for the slice that has the most icing piled high, generally a corner piece. I’m still not sure why I love the taste of vanilla on vanilla cakes. I just do.

Yesterday at my party, I was feeling pretty good about my eating habits of late and wasn’t hearing the inner critics telling me not to eat cake, so I had a slice. I ate it as I played “hostess”, but wasn’t very mindful of eating it. Which is probably why, later in the night, after six hours of partying, I realized I had eaten a slice of cake and not even tasted it. I was so focused on others that I wasn’t mindful of my food and didn’t even enjoy my favorite kind of cake. So, I decided to have another slice while sitting with just a few friends at the end of the party.

It wasn’t until I ate the second slice that my “inner critics” started getting agitated, sending me all sorts of mixed messages: “There you go! Not just one, but TWO slices of cake. It’s all downhill from here.You should just go eat a cupcake and some cookies and whatever else you can get your hands on ’cause you’ve screwed up. That’s it. The day is ruined. Hey, don’t worry about it, okay? It’s your graduation! You deserve it! Oh, well. You tried. You didn’t succeed. Just eat more. You’ll feel better soon.” I ignored most of the confusing voices and enjoyed the rest of my evening with friends.

However, today I’m still thinking about cake! I know that there are four slices left in my fridge downstairs, along with four cupcakes a friend of mine baked, and the half dozen brownies that were left from when I made them a week ago. And my knee jerk reactions are to 1) throw it all in the trash so I’m not tempted to eat any of it or 2) eat it all today so it’s not there tomorrow and I can just “start over”. But I’m not going to do either. I’m going to freeze the brownies and the cake, ’cause they’ll keep. I’m less tempted to eat things straight from the freezer (though, I have done so). I’m going to eat one cupcake tonight after dinner because I want to. I’m going to be mindful of its flavor and I’ll enjoy it immensely. Maybe I’ll have another cupcake tomorrow or maybe I’ll wait a day or two. I just know that it’s okay to have my cake and eat it and enjoy it too.

Peace, joy, and health.

–Megan

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