I have to admit (although you probably already know this from reading my blog posts) that I rarely share my emotions (especially sadness, frustration). I was reading several other blogs by people I admire and I realized that they are so honest about their struggles. Sure, I’m honest about my struggles, too, but I am so selective in what I write about. I think it must be the last vestiges of the perfectionist in me — I want people to think that even when I’m struggling, I’m doing okay. I choose what I post about, just as I choose what I share with my friends and family. It’s amazing that I have several close friendships with people and still I do not lean on them for support when I’m having a hard time. I go inside my head, do what I can to problem-solve, come out feeling a bit better and then share with my friends that “I was having a rough time last week, but now I’m fine.” I wonder what would happen if I allowed myself to emote more fully on this blog or even in person to my friends or family. It just seems so scary to be that vulnerable. I guess I’m more of a cognitive person than an emotional one. I like to think that I have a significant emotional vocabulary, but being able to put an accurate label on my feelings is more cognitive than actually showing the “messy” side of struggling. What would this look like for me? I’m really not sure. In general, I’m a pretty resilient person and I don’t feel down for more than a day at a time so maybe that has something to do with it. Anyway, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about.
Peace, joy, and health.