Staying connected

I’ll be the first to admit that I have a tendency to wall myself off from others when the going gets tough. I don’t know where it comes from, but there’s this part of me that just wants to “fly solo”. I imagine it could be termed “self-reliance” or even “strength” but most of the time it’s just plain old FEAR. Fear that others will respect me less, like me less after finding out that the real me is…well, MESSY. Not perfect. Not all together. Not always on my game. So, when the going gets tough, I get going…off on my own. I may consult with my partner or my parents, but mostly I just isolate and ruminate.

What I discovered during my recovery from binge-eating disorder is that the voice of my eating disorder (or “Ed”) told me to avoid everyone who might help. In fact, Ed told me that no one could help me. I had to do it alone. Actually, Ed usually wooed me into thinking I could solve all my own problems (how nice of him!). But soon his messages turned into things like, “No one wants to hear you whine about the fact that you’re struggling with the same issues you struggled with for over a decade” and “You don’t need anyone else. Just stop eating junk food and everything will be okay.”

It wasn’t until I started 1) tuning into Ed’s voice; 2) noticing how mean Ed is; and 3) countering Ed’s comments with more uplifting ones that I realized there is STRENGTH IN CONNECTION with others. Is it possible that I might wear thin my welcome with certain friends if I’m always complaining/whining instead of simply sharing how I feel? Yes. But it’s a risk I had to take and have to remind myself to continue to take. Those among my family and friends who truly care about me actually enjoy it when I lean on them for support. It gives them a chance to show they care and to give back to me since I so frequently am supportive of them.

So, who can you lean on today to help you in your journey towards healthier eating?

Peace, joy, and health,

Megan

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3 thoughts on “Staying connected

  1. Leslie says:

    Hi Megan. Feeling so blessed to hear Your Voice today. I have been going through a lot of physical troubles (operations, infection, hospitalizations), and have used E.D. to get me through. At first, I was restricting, and now, I am binging. I need to get out of B.E.D., and have realized over the past couple of days, that I have not told anyone how unpleasant things are right now, in terms of my coping skills.
    You mention your own fears in asking for help. My fears are around receiving help and (this may make no sense), not knowing exactly who to talk to, and what to say. AND, the biggest thing is, I think, is that I don’t want to give up the behaviors right now. Oy.
    Blessedly, I see my therapist on Thursday. With that person, I always feel my most honest and open – almost unafraid to show the chaos and fears and worries.
    I have to give myself some credit. I have been in stormy waters these past few months. But now, I am turning to binge eating, and as I write to you, the shame of gaining weight, of being out of control now, seems unbearable……
    “Lean on me, when you’re not strong. I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on………………….”
    I am not strong right now, and I need to lean……..
    Thanks for listening,
    always,
    withallmyheart

    • getoutofbedonedayatatime says:

      Thanks, Leslie, for staying connected to me! Isn’t it funny, weird, curious, inspiring, how sometimes someone says just what we need to hear at the right time? I always marvel at that when it happens to me. I’m glad you’ll have your therapist to lean on this week. It’s not an easy journey by any means and I think that’s why it’s so crucial that we stay connected with supportive people. You are in my thoughts!

      • Leslie Robin Neshama says:

        Thanks, Megan, for the warmth and caring that you offer when you write.
        It is also amazing that we have the internet and email to stay connected….

        Important is that we remember that we are not alone (even when it feels that way), and that our eating disorders do the very thing that we truly need: they cut us off from our Selves and from others.

        It is not an easy journey. Who among us could ever say differently?

        Blessings to All!

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