Today is Day 7 of my 12 Days of Thanksgiving, but Day 6 of my head cold. Last night I was up most of the night coughing and am only now — after a hot shower, some OJ, and some medicine — feeling a bit like myself. This got me thinking about energy levels and the fact that my eating disorder robbed me of the energy, or will, to do a lot of things. I didn’t have the energy to reach out to friends. I didn’t have the energy to complete grad school (the first time around). I didn’t have the energy to devote to the problems that were arising in my marriage. I didn’t have the energy to cook healthy meals. I didn’t have the energy to sing, dance, write, or really do any of the things that had made my life meaningful at one point. Being stuck in B.E.D. cost me a lot.
So today, looking back from the side of recovery, I realize how thankful I am for the return of my energy. You see, I discovered through therapy that I was allowing my obsession with my weight and shape to take up too much space in my head. Once I stopped devoting all that space to constant thoughts of what to eat and how much, what I weigh and what that says about me, what I feel based on how I look in the mirror…once I stopped doing that, I had so much more energy to devote to other things. I slowly started reconnecting with friends and family (and thankfully, they welcomed me back — but that will be my next blog post). I found the courage to end my destructive marriage. I reconnected with my spiritual side (again, another blog post!). I began writing again. I began creating crafts and doing art projects again. I began participating in life again, all because I had the energy to do so.
Here’s hoping that on your journey towards recovery, you regain the energy that disordered eating has taken from you.