This morning I have a few moments before I have to leave for work. I decided to sit still in the living room and quietly reflect on the day ahead. As I did so I felt…well, I felt confident — confident that I can handle whatever comes my way, especially with the help of my colleagues and the supportive emails I get daily from my mom. Self-confidence is a wonderful feeling and it’s something I didn’t have when I was stuck in the behaviors and thought patterns of Binge-Eating Disorder. So today…
Day 12 – I’m thankful for my self-confidence.
The voice of my eating disorder robbed me of so many important things, but losing my self-confidence was a big one. I mean, I had a secure and supportive childhood, one that afforded me the luxury of feeling that I really could try anything and succeed at anything if I really wanted to make it work. Sometime during middle or high school, that confidence began to erode away; as I gave my inner critic more and more creedance, it began to erode the foundation of my self-worth, my self-confidence, and my self-esteem. Soon the messages of my critic were so one-track: “You are worthless unless you are thin. You are nobody unless people find you attractive. You are a failure if you aren’t perfect.” Messages like that would erode anyone’s self-confidence!
As I began to step away from my B.E.D., I reengaged in activities with friends and family. I tried new things and succeeded at (some of) them. I reconnected to my spiritual self. I exercised again and ate mindfully. And well, little by little, these things rebuilt that foundation of self-confidence. So that now, I feel I can set personal or professional goals and really achieve them. It’s a wonderful feeling! I’m so thankful for regaining my confidence!