Why is it SO hard for me to love ALL of me? Sure, there are things that I appreciate about myself each day: my smile, my laugh, my caring way with others, my childlike spirit, my appreciation of nature. But, do I ever love all of me at once? If I do, it’s so rare, I can’t think of a single example.
Lately, John Legend’s song, “All of Me”, has been running on a loop in my head. I’m enamored with the idea that the narrator could love someone so completely: “All of me loves all of you: Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections…”. I want that kind of love for myself. Sure, it would be great if there was a “Prince Charming” who loved me that much, but more importantly, I want to be able to love myself…for all my “curves and edges”, for all my “perfect imperfections”. I want to be able to love me for the person I am, not just for my physical characteristics, personality traits, or behaviors.
I’m definitely working hard this summer to better understand and let go of my perfectionism. Through much-needed down time, daily physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care, and regular counseling, I’m taking small steps forward, slowly breaking away from the chains of self-loathing and perceived inadequacy. It’s a painful process, but one that I’m healthy and whole enough to embark upon now, ten years since I began my recovery from Binge-Eating Disorder. It’s interesting that I can recognize that I am whole enough (not 100% intact, but unified enough in mind, body, and spirit to do this work at this point in time).
So, maybe I am on my way to realizing I AM ENOUGH as I am now. No changes necessary – not for me and not for anyone else.
Peace, joy, and health.