It’s been two weeks since I wrote about my efforts to love myself more in 2015. Those efforts continue with remarkable success despite many changes in my life: ending a long-term relationship, moving to a new apartment, starting my job again after a month of winter break, teaching myself new skills for my job, and more.
One thing that hasn’t changed is my desire to eat chocolate and sugary coffee drinks when I’m anxious or sad. What has changed is my self-talk after doing so. In the past, my inner critic would take over for days or weeks at a time, barraging me with negative self-talk about how undisciplined I am, how much weight I’ve gained or will gain, and how much my self-worth is linked to my physical appearance.
This year, as I mentioned in my last post, I refuse to tolerate that critical self-talk. As soon as I notice myself engaging in it, I summon that gentle, loving voice within me that says, “It’s okay, Megan. You like chocolate and coffee drinks. They’re soothing. You also like meditation and stretching and drawing and reading and blogging and crafting and bubble baths and exercise. You use all of those coping skills at various times. Tonight you wanted to soothe with food. No big deal. You have plenty of evidence that your self-worth is not at all linked to your physical appearance, and you even have evidence that occasionally self-soothing with food does not alter your physical appearance.”
I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to say this.
All of the changes I’m facing in my personal and professional life are scary. Sometimes I’m able to sit with those feelings, deflect them, or channel them into more productive pursuits. Other times, I “eat” them. And I’m okay with that.
Change is scary. Pass the chocolate!
Peace, joy, and health,