Spoiler alert: I’m not perfect!
In the spirit of authenticity, which I have really been working on, it feels important for me to tell my readers that I’ve been choosing to eat (and overeat) my feelings, stuffing them down with carbs late at night in front of the TV instead of expressing my emotions or using my healthier coping skills. When I got to the point on Wednesday morning that I felt “sick of” myself (and disgusted with my body), I finally realized what was going on. I was feeling angry, resentful, and irritable towards someone and instead of expressing that in an appropriate way or asserting my needs to that person, I swallowed it all and kept it locked inside until I felt physically full.
I know I’ve written about this before, but it bears mentioning again. I have this (false) idea that anger is not becoming of a woman. There’s a voice within me that says anger is big and overwhelming and scary and not feminine (which says a lot about how ingrained our gender stereotypes are in this society). In reality, anger is just a feeling. Like all feelings, it is neither good nor bad. It just is. Anger can be catalyst for change when we recognize it, pointing to underlying disappointments and fears.
So, when I went to my counseling session last night and discovered that I was angry and could do something about it (asserting my feelings and needs to the individual), I did it. And, not to my surprise, this individual took it really well. They shared their thoughts and feelings, too. And it became a moment of growth for both of us.
This weekend I plan to continue feeling instead of eating my emotions. I’m not perfect, but I’m okay just as I am…anger and all.
Peace, joy, and health,