Love: A messy, complicated emotion that I can’t live without.

So, I realize I’m a little late to the game to be writing a post about love. I purposely avoided writing about the subject or posting anything for Valentine’s Day. I felt a little sad and bitter about V-Day this year (I didn’t even celebrate “Gal-entine’s Day”), but managed to take good care of myself on Saturday by journaling about my feelings (instead of eating them…read my last blog post), taking myself to get a massage, and watching an inspiring movie (NOT a romance). This seemed like the best way to deal with my current love life, in all its complicated messiness.

This morning, however, after a heart-to-heart with a friend over email, I realized that despite the pain that relationships bring, despite the uncertainties, REAL LOVE IS WORTH IT. I’ve never been someone to shy away from extensive exploration of my feelings or deep soul-searching. It has been through the context of romantic relationships that I have grown the most as a person — spiritually, emotionally, and socially. So, when I felt an urge to abandon the messiness of my current love life and vow to be “single forever”, I did the exact opposite. I sat still with those feelings. I dug deeper into them. I breathed through them. I wrote about them. I talked about them (to anyone who would listen). I did NOT eat them — a personal triumph.

What I learned from doing that is I’m stronger than I thought. I can handle the physiological sensations of anxiety — nothing worse happens. I can handle the disappointment in myself for feeling jealous — I’m human. I can handle the anger — I’m able to vent it appropriately. Love may not be easy or simple, but the uncertainty and pain are worth it for the chance to connect with someone in a deep and soulful way. Real love is worth the struggle.

Peace, joy, and LOVE,

Megan

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2 thoughts on “Love: A messy, complicated emotion that I can’t live without.

  1. Samantha says:

    Love this! Sitting with your feelings is something I tried months ago and I found way too hard at this point. So go you for being able to dig deeper! Question…how did you pick yourself up out of such an intense session of trying to feel your emotions? I would think I was fine when I tried but knew I wasn’t when binges happened a couple days later. I’d been suppressing it, not accepting it.

    • getoutofbedonedayatatime says:

      Thanks for your feedback, Samantha. Your question is thought-provoking. I don’t always know when I’m ready to pick up and move on from feeling my emotions. In fact, sometimes I notice what you notice: I was “okay” with sitting with the feelings at that moment, but a few days later the same feelings resurface and I choose to respond to them by eating instead of feeling them! So, knowing that, I think it has helped to just keep myself grounded in the present moment instead of “what was” and “what might be”. I can tell myself, “Okay. Right now I’m feeling my emotions and that’s something. Tomorrow I might try to surpress them with food again. But right now, in this moment, I’m doing what I can.” It’s a journey and a process. Thanks again for asking.

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